


you wouldn't punch a guy with glasses, would you?

by spacedghosts



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, IwaOi Day, M/M, Minor Violence, Original Character(s), and the title is pretty self explanatory, it's really not that much violence it's mostly just oikawa provoking iwaizumi, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:44:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6459976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedghosts/pseuds/spacedghosts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can’t believe you broke my nose!”</p><p>“Stop being dramatic, I didn’t break it.”</p><p>“Then what was that crack?”</p><p>“Maybe you broke your ass bone. Or what little pride you had left.”</p><p>“‘Ass bone’, he says,” Oikawa cries out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you wouldn't punch a guy with glasses, would you?

**Author's Note:**

> i dedicate this to the one anon who told me they'd read this. here you go, whoever you are.

“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”

“Okay, but did you die?”

Oikawa, still clutching his bloody nose, glared daggers at the hedgehog reincarnate currently staring him down, arms crossed. A lone worker standing on the other side of the aisle considered breaking up whatever was going on but took a moment to consider how much he's paid before ambling off to the break room.

“Well, _no_ , but -”

“You’re good. Get up.”

“I - I can’t, you just -”

“You’re good, okay? Now just -” Oikawa widens his eyes as the Hedgehog leans down to grab his biceps, forcibly pulling him into a standing position. “Fuck, you’re heavy.”

“We wouldn’t even be in this situation if it wasn’t for your _head_.”

He drops him.

“No! We wouldn’t _be_ in this situation if you actually had a brain!”

~~~ 

Just 10 minutes ago, Oikawa would never have imagined he’d be in this situation. Oikawa was a respectable man, in his opinion. He held the door open for people - the only time he once let it slam in Kuroo’s face was _not_ his fault. He offered to help old ladies cross the street (and at the same time let them feel his arms so who’s the real winner here). He’s only _considered_ calling the police on his roommates a couple dozen times, and murder a couple _more_ dozen times.

He’s respectable.

But when he was strolling through a 24 hour convenience store at 2 AM with the intent of buying a trolley full of milk bread, he never accounted for this particular turn of events. Personally, he didn’t really believe taking a break from a Psychology essay could turn into a very violent mess and two hedgehogs.

And it started with the little hedgehog - more specifically, a slightly chubby hedgehog who bumped into Oikawa’s giraffe-like limbs. Oikawa had to look away from the armful of milk bread he still had clutched (why he didn’t put it in the trolley yet, he had no idea). Now Oikawa was what many would describe a pretty boy - his roommate Bokuto had once said if Oikawa was ever captured by ninjas, he himself would train to be an even better ninja just so he could see Oikawa’s face one more time. It was a bit of a reach but Oikawa managed to decipher a compliment out of it.

The point here is that Oikawa was pretty. And kids loved pretty people. Kids were usually brutal beings who could tear anyone’s self-esteem apart while sipping out of a milk box (or was he thinking of Kageyama here?). Oikawa, for some reason, has never had that experience with children. Children _loved_ him. So he turned to the slightly chubby child and smiled a toothy grin, his hand already rising to do his signature peace sign. And he watched in horror as the child’s bottom lip puckered out, already shaking from holding in a sob. His own hand lowered as fat tears began rolling down its face.

Oikawa’s eyes widened in morbid disturbance.

_What kind of person was he?_

It _is_ 2 AM, in his defence.

And that’s exactly his excuse as he finds himself strategically placing the last dinosaur on the floor, effectively caging the chubby child who at this point was reduced to sniffling into their hands, still sitting on the floor. And just for the shits and giggles, he runs around the dinosaur cage, tapping each of their heads and watching in fascination as their eyes begin glowing a bright red and their jaws unhinge to release some curdling computer-generated scream that would make Tsukishima cry from the inaccuracy.

“I think I did a pretty good job, don’t you think?” He grins, turning to a lone worker who was watching the entire scene with a blank face. Once he realises he was being addressed, he turns back to the shelves he was restocking, now with more vigour as if to get away from Oikawa and fast. He just shrugs. He _knew_ he did a good job. Now all that was left was to find the parent of this child. And how hard could it be to find the parent at 2 AM?

He turns around with new vigour, only to see what could only be described as an angry hedgehog marching his way, dedication gleaming in his eyes. Oikawa adds two and two together, taking in the matching haircuts, the same tawny skin tone, the same grey eyes and -

Shit.

_Shit._

Oikawa could only watch in horror as Iwaizumi stops in his tracks, taking in the sight of what could only be about 13 screaming dinosaurs, a chubby child  _surrounded_ by 13 screaming dinosaurs, and a very guilty looking university student dumping an armful of milk bread into his trolley.

“What. The. Fu-”

“ _Listen_ … I know how bad this looks,” he interrupts, causing Iwaizumi to physically take a step back and raise his eyebrows, “but I took an alignment test this morning and found out I’m Chaotic Good, and this is _definitely_ what a Chaotic Good would -”

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you!”

Honestly, Oikawa had no answer. He had _no_ answer. All he could do was flail his arms a little in response, gesturing vaguely towards the now baffled worker and the still screaming dinosaurs. Like, he _was_ planning on buying a dinosaur purely for the joy of sending it to Tsukishima and watching him suffer (their aliens verses dinosaur fight was still  ongoing, after all these years). Did that mean something was wrong with him? Probably -

“ _Well_?”

“Well? What’s wrong with _you_?”

Oikawa felt his brain short-circuit in the shock. Was this real? Was he _really_ going to yell at a total stranger who had the type of arms that could very easily pummel him into the ground and possibly hell if he had the time and spare energy?

“Do you honestly think you’re any better than _me_?” He continued, mind moving faster than his mouth.

The answer was yes. Oikawa was already planning on how to fake his death and move to Mexico.

“How does it take a parent that long to find their lost child? Do you even know how long I spent perfecting this dinosaur trap? _10 whole minutes_ , and don’t give me any fucking excuse - it’s 2 AM, the store is empty other than me and an _incompetent parent_!”

Iwaizumi felt his heart thump in his chest. Now was honestly not the time to be endeavoured by the guy yelling at him for being an inadequate person in general - really, the child was proof enough for his own inadequacy.

But Iwaizumi was not really the person to be talked down to. _Especially_ by some university student who trapped his child with dinosaurs. Could he have found his child? Yes, possibly. Could he have avoided passing out and taking a nap near the dog food aisle? Perhaps.

But right now, he could only let the corner of his lips tug upwards as he rolled his (already rolled) sleeves up. Oikawa could feel the sudden change in aura. He could _feel_ the 2 AM adrenalin dripping from the Hedgehog Man in front of him. Even the lone worker stopped his shelving to stare.

“Incompetent _parent_ , huh?” He mutters, a smile now gracing his face. Oikawa would probably have swooned if it was literally any other situation. “Well, time to show ya’ what kind of _incompetent parent_ I am, right?"

“H-hey now, you wouldn’t -” he pauses to gulp, taking a step back and knocking down a dinosaur, “- you wouldn’t punch a guy with glasses, would you?”

Iwaizumi stops his prowling to stop and cock his head to the side before grinning. Where were his morals?

“You’re right!”

Oikawa sags in relief until he feels warm fingers fumbling at the sides of his head, barely brushing over his reddening ears as they pluck the glasses off with ease. Iwaizumi’s eyes were still clear due to the proximity between them. He could feel a breath intake stutter in his throat - he was surrounded by the smell of him. He was too close. Oikawa could just as easily lean towards him, close the moment and  -

Iwaizumi rears his head back before headbutting him.

Oikawa falls back.

The child screams in delight.

The worker briskly walks off in the other direction.

Oikawa starts crying. Iwaizumi inches forward a little before hearing a stuttered out, “That fucking brute broke my nose!” before he sighs and steps around.

“You doing okay, buddy?” he signs, ending it with two thumbs up and his head cocked to the side. The child nods happily, signing back a sloppy, “Thank you!” as he practically squirms in excitement.

“I can’t believe you broke my nose!”

“Stop being dramatic, I didn’t break it.”

“Then what was that crack?”

“Maybe you broke your ass bone. Or what little pride you had left.”

“‘Ass bone’, he says,” Oikawa cries out. “I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”

**Author's Note:**

> this entire fic was based off [this post](http://asexuallyaroused.tumblr.com/post/140994287163/reason-is-in-fact-out-to-lunch)
> 
> there will be a second part!
> 
> scream with me [here](http://asexuallyaroused.tumblr.com/) if you want


End file.
